Lately I have been feeling like God is telling me to LET GO of trying to have a baby. And I have been fighting Him so much on this. My response has been... "What? But Lord, I am married to a man I love so much and I am that age where everyone around me is having babies!!! So why not me?" But God's plan for my life is not about others and what they are doing, it's about me and what is good and perfect for me. I am having a hard time giving up the timeline of my life. I will be 27 in less that two months and for some reason I feel like I am running out of time (I guess because Daniel and I would love nothing more than to have a house full of kids and the biological clock is ticking and it seem like everything is reminding me of that). But I have to realize that God knows me better than I know myself.
It's about time I be obedient. So, I am giving up taking my temperature every morning and charting my cycles and trying to plan everything. I had made it way too complicated. Even though everything in my flesh wants to keep trying and not let go, my spirit keeps telling me this is the right thing to do. I need to rely on God for strength and not try to take control myself. I have done everything I can to control the baby making process and only God can give life. I stopped keeping up with my temperature about a week ago and it has relieve me of some worrying.
It is time to focus on other things right now like my relationship with the Lord, getting and staying healthy, and my family that I have. I have faith that when the time is right God will provide the baby that Daniel and I long for. I am convinced that the experience will be better than anything I could try to control or plan for myself. God knows my heart and my desires but right now He has other things for me. This was not an easy decision and know that my heart is broken but at the same time there is peace.
It is time I completely surrender this part of my life to God and let him take control!!
~ With God, All Things Are Possible~
Nina, I know the courage and strength it took for you to come to that decision and write this post. Friend, I too am at the point of letting go. But, someone once told me.... when you feel like letting go, remember why you held on so long in the first place!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if that will help you or not. But I want you to know that I'm praying for you and asking God to guard your heart as He continues to mold you into who He wants you to be for Him. You are right, when He does bless you with a baby - it will be more beautiful, more radical, more incredible than anything you could ever imagine! Don't look at this as giving up. Look at it as giving it to God. Look at it this way: You love your future children too much to take God's plan into your own hands. Instead you are completely and faithfully surrendering your all to Him, trusting Him and letting Him lead you. That takes guts my friend and you've got what it takes!
Always praying for you Friend!
Will be praying for y'all!!!!!!
ReplyDelete